July 24, 2024
Listening: "Non-Breath Oblige" - Pinocchio-P
Reading: None (although farewell Nagatoro you will be missed TvT)
Watching: Scott the Woz
Eating: Toast with Biscoff butter
Drinking: Water
Status: Tired/reflective
two blog posts in one month holy shit
Hello, folks, it's a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and I feel like yapping so yap I shall. Besides, I...actually have stuff I kinda wanna talk about?! Shocker. So this post might get a bit long, apologies if it is.
First up! I made a post about this a handful of days ago because I was just so over-the-top excited about it, but then I realized how cringe on main I was being and deleted it...but to clarify the post, my favorite Vtuber and kamioshi Gavis Bettel used a piece of my art for his schedule last week! :D For those who aren't aware, it's pretty common for vtubers to decorate their schedules for the week with fanart (with credit of course!) so I was on the damn floor when I saw it. Like, flabbergasted. For the record, I don't usually post my vtuber fanart with the expectation that the streamer in question will see it or give it any attention (I'll admit part of that is my self-esteem talking, but I also don't like banking on their attention to make me feel good about a piece, yknow?) so it was a huge surprise to me. It's also funny, because I did know he saw the art in question, but I didn't think he liked it enough (presumably?) to save it and use it for the schedule. I feel like that The Office meme of the confused guy shaking hands with the executive guy.
So that happened. Maybe it's insignificant at the end of the day, Bettel's just some guy after all, but I can't say I wasn't really happy about it. I had so many friends congratulating me and telling me how much I deserved the honor, but ngl the imposter syndrome has been kicking in strong...I always make things and draw art because I think "I love this" or "ooh, this sounds like a cool idea" but I have to say I never expect to get recognized for it. And when I do, I always end up feeling that it's a mistake of some kind, that such recognition is better saved for someone else, that there's no way something I made could possibly be deserving of much praise...it makes me feel weird. I've been told that I really should just accept good things, but it's just kinda hard. Especially after my experience earlier this year, accepting good things happening to me is really difficult. I realize this isn't about the art itself anymore but...hm.
Anyways, speaking of art, let's talk about Art Fight. I have to say, I've received WAY more art than I could've imagined I would this month, even though admittedly I've been so terribly slow getting things out myself. I feel a little bad, honestly. If possible, I would have gifted everyone who sent me things polished art back, but I know for a fact that doing such a thing would be impossible over the course of a single month considering what I've gotten. Idk. I am really grateful for what people have given me, though. ;v; Also, on a lighter note, I think it's a tad bit funny the character that has been getting the most attacks has been my character Tabitha from my little vampire family group of OCs - I mean, I guess her design is pretty cute, but the whole thing with her character is that she looks adorable and shy but is actually a very violent, angry and obsessive little girl - a yandere, if you will. Yet, I think she's gotten at least 6 fanarts over the course of the month. XD I guess I underestimated how much people like antagonistic characters?? (Which, fair - Tabby's one of my favorites, despite her issues.)
Third, about the site! I have to admit that I've hit a slight rut with my desire to code, because while I do have some projects I have planned, I'm not sure how I'd like to start on them, like the character page or my shrine pages. I've been trying to figure it out as I go, but eh. What I have finished, though, as people have probably already seen on the feed, I did add some new sections to my About page, as well as revamped it so it now runs on iframes like my Gallery. :> Both of the new pages are pretty much WIP, though, finished in design but WIP in terms of content. I also apologize for how depressing my Lyrics page is currently. But, hey, I'll get to it. I also think I've been a bit meh on coding since I've been losing the feeling of community on Neocities recently, I try to pay attention to what everyone's up to but it also feels like a lot of folks are leaving for other sites like Nekoweb and it's been leaving me kinda lonely. But then again, maybe I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up anyway, since this isn't a social media platform or whatever.
Ah...I'm tired. I've been improving little by little, I guess, but recently I've had a bit of a difficult time enjoying myself too much. Something something "what's the point of doing anything actually" bullshit. But we move on, I guess. Go figure.
Sorry for all my rambling. See you all later, I need to get to bed.